By Lisa M. Belisle, MD, MPH
Originally published July 2008, Parent & Family

My last Parent & Family article (Walking the Walk, May 2008) addressed walking with our children. As I mentioned, this is a wonderful way to role model healthy behavior. Walking also gives children a chance to connect with us, with their inner selves, and with their environment.

Now I’m going to suggest that at least once this summer, we leave the kids at home.

Solo walks can benefit anyone, but they are an absolute necessity for some of us—especially parents. Parents who get up early, and go to bed late. Parents who spend the majority of the day caring for others: children, spouses/partners, pets, relatives, friends, co-workers, communities, planet. Parents who love what they do, but occasionally find themselves wondering if their lives might be a little off balance.

How can you tell that your life is off balance? Sometimes your body will tell you. You may develop

• Insomnia
• Fatigue
• Weight loss or gain
• Headaches
• Chronic pain
• Bowel problems, or
• Other concerns.

Of course, any of the above could have a medical cause. When patients come to me with these issues, first we rule underlying structural, biochemical or psychiatric disorders. Then we look at what often turns out to be the culprit: life imbalance.

Some parents with life imbalance issues don’t have a specific physical complaint. They may feel vaguely dissatisfied—as if something is lacking in their lives. Sometimes this follows a major transition, such as a move, a job change, or a child going off to school. Sometimes they will blame their spouse or another major player in their life. Occasionally they will have been diagnosed with an “Adjustment Reaction.” In other words, they are having a hard time dealing with their situation. Usually this is because they were already suffering from life imbalance, otherwise known as LLS: Lopsided Life Syndrome.

Many professionals have attempted to address LLS—especially in women. Often they tell us that we simply need to make more time for ourselves. Get a manicure. Have a massage. Relax in a bubble bath. But do these really work? Well, yes… and no.

Certainly these can be enjoyable ‘time-outs.’ And who doesn’t like nice looking nails? But these activities are merely dealing with the symptoms of LLS. We may feel better temporarily, but we have not solved anything: our lives are not out of balance because our cuticles are shaggy.

The cure for a lopsided life goes beyond restructuring our cuticles. LLS can only be solved one way: rebalancing. The rebalancing process is different for everyone, and is often challenging. But it can begin with a long, solitary, summer walk.

Here are the guidelines for a LLS rebalancing walk:

• Put it on your calendar TODAY. Find childcare or work coverage. Give yourself at least two hours. More is better.
• Research the right spot. Not too familiar, and not too close to where you live. A safe wooded, lake-front or oceanside route is ideal. (FMI, visit www.walkthewalkdoc.com.)
• Start first thing in the morning. No later than 7 am, if possible. This will enable you to avoid other people, which is crucial because you need to…
• Go alone. I repeat: GO ALONE. You may bring your partner/kids/dog/friend next time, if you wish. First, you must walk alone.
• Focus on your breathing. Do not think. Breathe. Don’t worry about unfolded laundry, un-made family lunches or unfinished work projects. Be present with yourself.
• Notice what is going on around you. Use all of your senses. Stop, look and listen.
• When you are done walking, take time to reflect. Have a pencil and paper available. Immediately write down what you noticed about your self and your surroundings.

This walk will not immediately rebalance your life. But it will enable your body to rebalance itself. Given the opportunity, our bodies always seek to restore internal order. When we are thirsty, we drink. When we are tired, we sleep. When our brains are on overdrive, our bodies often know just what we need. As we walk, notions will work their ways out of our muscles—the muscles in our legs, our hearts and our guts. Rebalancing thoughts will surface. Maybe we need to deal with a relationship issue. Maybe we need more time away from our household responsibilities. Maybe we need to explore a new job.

None of these rebalancing notions requires immediate action. After all, we are still parents. By definition, our focus is on our children: children who need us to be there for them. We always have to take their needs (and the needs of others around us) into consideration. But lopsided lives are not happy lives, for us or for our kids.

Once you’ve taken your first steps toward reworking your lopsided life, you will likely find you do not want to stop. So take another walk. Stay connected with your self and your environment. Rebalance your life and be a role model for your kids.

___________________

RESOURCES:

CLASSES ON “LIFE REBALANCING” AND OTHER ISSUES
MaineHealth Learning Resource Centers, 1-866-609-5183