By Lisa M. Belisle, MD, MPH
Originally published November 2008, Parent & Family

My 7-year-old has discovered that recess can be intimidating. This year she is in a larger school, where the second grade students share the playground with third and fourth grade students. As might be expected, the older kids aren’t always interested in playing with the younger ones. Sophie feels hurt by this at times.

I wish I could prevent Sophie from feeling hurt. In fact, I wish I could protect her and both of her siblings from all of life’s troubles. As soon as my babies left my body, I wanted to smuggle them back inside. They were so small and vulnerable, and the world could be so hard. One of my first lessons as a parent was that of letting go.

We have to let our children go, so that they can grow up and experience things on their own terms. Part of growing up is learning how hard the world can be. We learn that people die. We learn that there is sadness. We learn that kids don’t always want to play with us on the playground.

We cannot prevent our children from learning about sadness and pain, just as we would not want to prevent them from feeling love and joy. They must be exposed to the range of human emotions. They must discover how to live in the world and deal with others.

Of course, there is a time and a place for these types of discoveries. Children shouldn’t (if possible) experience some things before they are ready. When this happens, they simply can’t make sense of the information. It is our job as parents to help them get the right information at the right time. One way to do this is through books.

By introducing serious, potentially difficult subjects—or even serious, potentially happy subjects—through books, we can provide information in a non-threatening environment. If we have a child who is anxious about starting school, we can read Kevin Henkes’ Wemberly Worried. (See Resources, below.) Before we take our child to a medical appointment, we can page through Jane Yolen’s How Do Dinosaurs Get Well Soon? Books allow us to say, “Here is a story about someone else. See how this person dealt with this problem?” Books enable children to think about things in a safe way.

Books also reinforce the fact that many emotions are universal. A child who is sad about the death of a pet may find solace in Cynthia Rylant’s Dog Heaven, while a child who is upset by his parents’ divorce may hunker down with Two Homes by Clair Masurel. Books can help children feel less alone.

Books can be a source of comfort for our children. When we read to our children, we are introducing them to companions who can accompany them into an uncertain world. We are easing their way onto life’s often intimidating playground.

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RESOURCES:

CLASSES
MaineHealth Learning Resource Centers, 1-866-609-5183

BOOKS
Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe by Gavin de Becker (Dell, 2000)

Raising Readers Recommends (from www.raisingreaders.net):
School Readiness: Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes (HarperCollins, 2000)

Health: How Do Dinosaurs Get Well Soon? by Jane Yolen (Scholastic Press, 2003)

Loss: Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant (Scholastic, 1995)
Nana Upstairs, Nana Downstairs by Tomie de Paola (Penguin, 2000)

Divorce: Two Homes by Clair Masurel (Candlewick, 2003)

Working Parents: Mama Always Comes Home by Karma Wilson (Harper Collins, 2007)

Separation: Owen by Kevin Henkes (HarperCollins, 2006)

November is National Children’s Literacy Month! Join us at the Children’s Museum in Portland for the Raising Readers Book Celebration, Friday, November 7, 2008, 5:00 – 7:00 PM. Free Friday Admission. Readings and book signings by well known authors. FMI, visit www.raisingreaders.net.