By Lisa M. Belisle, MD, MPH
Originally published January 2009, Parent & Family

I could not wait for my oldest child to grow up. I wanted to see his first tentative steps and hear his first intelligible words—immediately, if not sooner. But I did not have a choice: I had to wait. Growing up is a process. One set of brain cells needs to connect with another set of brain cells, and the brain needs to communicate with the rest of the body. Then children walk, and talk, and grow. Growth takes time.

Growth of every sort takes time. Sometimes we need our children to remind us of this fact. My son walked, and talked and grew on his own terms. Boy did he grow! As a 15-year-old, he towers over me. Plus, he has an extensive vocabulary, and he can beat me in a road race. These things all unfolded in due time: I just needed to be patient.

We forget the importance of patience, especially when dealing with ourselves. One day we decide that we are going to:

• Lose weight
• Stop smoking
• Try a new career or
• Be more organized.

Then we expect that we’ll see results right away. When we don’t, we are disappointed.

What if we decided not to be disappointed in ourselves for taking the time to grow? Maybe we should approach our own growth the way that we approach our children’s growth: with love and understanding. Babies must take one step before they can run across the room; they must start with one word before they can speak in sentences. We know this, and celebrate their small achievements on a daily basis.

Likewise, when we decide to change, we should take one step at a time, and celebrate our own small achievements. In Curing Lopsided Life Syndrome: First, You Must Walk Alone (Parent & Family, July 2008), I suggested that people who may be feeling dissatisfied with their lives take solitary walks. As they are doing so, their bodies can help them to figure out what needs to change. This is the first step in bringing life back into balance.

The next step is to figure out the direction in which to travel. Write down all of the possibilities. Then pick one destination and map out your journey. Realize that you can really only take one step at a time. Be patient with yourself, and—as if you were your own child—congratulate yourself for taking each step. When I’m having a busy morning and feel scattered, I will congratulate myself (silently) for staying on track: “Good job brushing your teeth! Now brush your hair and put on your coat. Then get in the car.” I celebrate my small daily steps, which enable me to move toward more distant destinations.

Once you’ve taken your first small steps, you can lengthen your stride. Did you get out of the house on time today? Wonderful! Now you can consider at some bigger goals, such as the ones listed above. Want to stop smoking permanently? How about deciding to just stop smoking for one hour. See how it feels. Were you able to accomplish this? If so, try one day. How did that go? Each small step takes you that much closer to your ultimate goal.

Be flexible when working toward your goals. Sometimes things take longer than you think they will, and sometimes there are set-backs. You may stop smoking for a month, only to have something stressful occur in your life. Then your body may crave a cigarette for comfort, and you may give in—only to feel terribly guilty about it the next morning.

Don’t let yourself give in feeling guilty. Again, pretend you are your own child, who has just taken a step and fallen down. What would you do in that situation? Offer him a hand and some encouragement, perhaps? This is what you must do for yourself. Remind yourself how well you had been doing, and that you obviously have the ability to succeed at the task. Then offer yourself a hand and some encouragement.

Need some more encouragement? Surround yourself with inspiring people and ideas. Join a class at the MaineHealth Learning Resource Centers. Pick up a book, such as Our Daily Tread. (See Resources, below.) Take time to enjoy the journey you are on, just as you enjoy watching your children embark on their own journeys. There is no hurry. Growth happens.

One step at a time.

___________________

RESOURCES:

BOOKS
Our Daily Tread: Thoughts for an Inspired Life, edited by Dr. Lisa Belisle (Aerie River Books, 2008), www.aerieriver.com. All proceeds from this book will go to benefit the children of Safe Passage.

CLASSES
MaineHealth Learning Resource Centers, 1-866-609-5183