Monkey See, Monkey Do: Parents as Healthy Role Models

By Lisa M. Belisle, MD, MPH

Originally published November/December 2009, Parent & Family

My son became a sports fan shortly after his birth.  Born October first, Campbell began watching football with his father the week he came home from the hospital.  The following spring he became a citizen of “Red Sox Nation.” Sixteen years later, Campbell and his father speak a language I only vaguely understand: it includes phrases such as “dropped passes” and the “infield fly rule.” My husband is one of my son’s most important role models.  Most parents enjoy the same privilege.

Consider this:

--children have twice the risk of becoming habitual smokers by the time they graduate from high school if one or both parents smoke
--girls are ten times more likely to be obese if their mothers are obese; boys are six times more likely to be obese if their fathers are obese
--children who have more physically active parents are statistically more likely to be active themselves.

Children follow the “monkey see, monkey do” principle.  Our children are watching when we are eating healthy foods, and when our food choices are sub-par.  Our children see us exercising, and they see us spending hours in couch-sitting mode.  They see us when we smoke and when we drink too much.  They see how we treat other people, and how we manage our stress. They see everything--whether we realize it or not.

Children also see everything whether we like it or not: most of us can’t get away with anything. Kids are amazingly perceptive, and they emulate people that they love and respect: their parents. It can be tiring to play “monkey see, monkey do,” but it can also be sweetly satisfying.  Who knows?  Perhaps our little monkeys will end up loving the same things we love--whether it is reading or the Red Sox.

Though we aren’t obligated to raise Red Sox watchers (some may argue that point), we do need to help them optimize their health.  That may mean changing our own habits. I’ve often heard parents say, “Whatever s/he does, I don’t want him to end up like me.”  That doesn’t work.  Children typically don’t buy the “Do as I say, not as I do” suggestion.  If we are obese, our children will likely struggle with their weight; if we smoke, our children will probably become addicted to cigarettes as well. We need to stop our negative behaviors in order to help our children. We need to, as Gandhi says, “Be the change we wish to see in the world.” 

Being the change can be a challenge, but it is always possible.  Many patients have tried to tell me, “That’s just the way I am.”  I disagree.  We have the infinite capacity to remake ourselves.  Every day our bodies slough off unwanted skin cells and grow new hair.  We’re always changing, all the time.  If we need to adjust a habit or two, we have the ability.  It may take a few tries, but that’s OK.  If we fail, our children will still be better off for having seen that we made the effort.  Then we just have to try again.

What changes do you wish to see in your world?  Start by asking three questions:

--What health habits do I want my children to have?
--What values do I want my children to learn?
--How I want my children to interact with others?

Once you’ve answered these questions, take out the words “my children.”  The first phrase becomes “What health habits do I want to have?” Determine what you are (and aren’t) currently doing to make this happen. If you are lucky,  no change will be necessary.  If not, you’ll need to evaluate where to start and what your next steps will be.

We will discuss ways to initiate healthy changes in the January 2010 issue of Parent & Family. Stay tuned for details. Meanwhile, enjoy your little monkeys: they don’t stay little for long.  Soon they are big monkeys, watching football and discussing dropped passes.  Just like their dads.

Are You a Parent Who Smokes?

Giving up cigarettes is one of the best things you can do for a child.  Need help?  Consider participating in the Great American Smokeout on November 20th. Click here for more information, or call 1-800-207-1230.

Resources

“Active Parents Raise Active Children," British Medical Journal, November 27, 2007.

“Children are likely to become overweight by mimicking behaviors of obese parents,” International Journal of Obesity, Monday, July 13th 2009.

“Parents Smoke, Kids Don't,” Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, January 12, 2006.

Raising Readers Recommends:

Mama Mama/Papa Papa Flip Board Book by Jean Marzollo.

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